life

Gathered round the old Tannenbaum this Christmas, we engaged in the traditional exchange of gifts wrapped in colored papers and banded with shining ribbon. And what gifts- plentiful and good, given and accepted with good humor and appreciation. And what sacrifices did we make for such a lovely holiday you ask?

O tannenbaun

So Many Lights!

Cycled into work last Tuesday morning, took three calls, wondered why the calls dried up... Yup, totally fired; on 6/6/06 no less. I can't say that I'm surprised, angry, or otherwise upset. The pay was good, and money is a requisite for life in a capatalaist society, but in the end it was simply a job; I was not planning on answering phone calls as a career. However, it is good to know that my job perfromance was satisfactory to the extent that a budget shortfall was the determining factor in my dismissal.

A recent trip to our local, relatively speaking, Borders entertainment outlet became the highlight of an otherwise depressingly commercial week. The friendly and knowledgeable staff, thoughtful displays, and aroma of freshly brewed coffee all added to the experience, but it was a discovery in the Gardening section that immediately put a smile on my face. I usually browse that particular section in most book retailers I visit. Gardening has always provided me a great deal of enjoyment, and I can't help but to learn as much as I can on the topic.

Sooooo... work today. Evidently, threat of arrest is an occupational hazard around here. I heard a pounding on the door and some yelling, so I answered it. There was a uniformed private security officer. "Hello," I said to him. "SECURITY!! Put your hands up!" he yelled at me. "What?" "Get your hands where I can see them!" he barked. "Show me some identification!" I calmly handed him my driver's license. "What's going on here," I asked. "I'm kind of working right now." "Is this your real address?" "No, I moved recently. Is there a reason for this?"

Okay, just about every idiot out there has heard that the Mayan calendar(which is supposedly startlingly accurate) either ends entirely or rolls over to another metacycle in 2012 or so, depending on who you're talking to. Well, you can add another crazy as fuck bunch of people to the list. There's some hippies out there who claim that we're actually a bunch of extraterrestrials who got stranded or something on Earth. I guess this rock is a big cosmic Stuckey's and humans are waiting for someone to pick up our reeking hitchhiker asses.

Sometimes, I am astounded by the intellect of my friends. Bruce42 and I were discussing the undead abomination that seems to have enthralled so many people with money and power. Yep, I'm referring to our Great Zombie Lord Jesus, who greedily watches the Earth until the time is right for him to lead his army of the "faithful" to conquer the world in the name of "peace." Bruce pointed out a very important fact: this Jesus fellow was anointed, killed, wrapped and laid to rest. His tomb was disturbed, his artifacts scattered across the globe and he rose again.

Ten words in length? I'm already on that, sweet thang. I have to wonder sometimes. If a pregnant woman dies, does the undertaker charge for two embalmings? Would it be possible to get the guy to remove the fetorpse and bury it separately?